charlie had a mission
charlie had a quest
charlie had a question that stumped the very best
how do I get a girl close enough to me
to make her mine perpetually?
charlie never got an answer that he used
but due his results he should be excused
charlie had a mission
charlie had a dream
charlie had ambition like you have never seen
charlie had one driving goal in his life
to get a woman close enough to him to make her his wife
he had plenty of shots at the opposite sex
but he always uttered a pessimistic hex
wrong time wrong place
wrong person wrong clothes

and to top it off you got a funny nose
charlie hung at bookstores
charlie hung at bars
he could make a book for his emotional scars
charlie thought that he had reached the end of his rope
when a leggy blonde masqueraded by as hope
charlie staked his life in this...his last attempt
he strutted up beside her and grumbled "ahem!"
[chorus]
charlie got a girl
charlie got a gal
charlie was a squirrel she was his peanut pal
they did everything together both day and night
and despite cohabitation they rarely had a fight
but charlie's dame was a camaro who soon became a hearse
that's when charlie uttered the familiar curse
[chorus]